Deportation, abuse and multiple citizenship — what is known about the husband of Aigul Sailybayeva, killed in Germany
The body of missing former judge from Kazakhstan Aigul Sailybayeva has been found in Germany. A close friend of the deceased spoke about Aigul’s family life. Thus, conflicts often arose in the family due to disagreements over raising children and financial issues, Kazinform News Agency correspondent reports.
We've been friends since we were students
“We met Aigul in 2015 in Sheffield, where we studied under the Bolashak program. At that time, both she and I were taking language courses. From the moment we met, we developed very warm friendships. She was a couple of years older than me, and our relationship was more like sisterhood. She was kind, sympathetic and always tried to help all students. We often met in the library. Our close friendly relations continued in Kazakhstan, when I returned after finishing my studies, and she was already working in Astana. I can only say good things about her as a person. She was a very kind person and had many friends. Now people are writing to me who also studied with us at that time and knew her, as well as her colleagues. Everyone talks about her responsiveness, openness and kindness. She always smiled. She had incredible charisma. Despite her strict position as a judge, she found time for friends and relatives,” says Aigul’s close friend Togzhan Yessenbayeva.
Met in the library
According to Togzhan, Aigul met her future husband in the university library.
“I witnessed their acquaintance. In 2015, like most students, we spent a lot of time in the library, and it was there that Aigul and her future husband met. They were ordinary students, began to communicate, and soon they began a relationship,” says Togzhan.
She added that at the time of the meeting the girl did not know his real age.
“People discuss their age difference. As far as I know, when we met, Sasha did not reveal his real age, saying that he was a couple of years older. I don't think he had any bad intentions, he just probably wanted to get to know each other. He said he was 22 years old, but in fact he was 18-19 years old. He was a first-year undergraduate student. We often saw them sitting together in the library. That year, our meetings took place mainly there; Aigul and I could go to the gym or eat, but I only saw them in the library. He was not a scholarship recipient of the Bolashak program, but was from Taldykorgan, as far as I know. At that time, he was studying as a citizen of Kazakhstan,” says the girl.
Seemed like a good guy...
According to Togzhan, Alexander gave the impression of a good guy. Their relationship with Aigul seemed sincere and warm.
“In September 2016, when I began my master’s studies after language courses, Aigul approached me with a request: could I come to Sasha’s dorm, clean his room, hand over the keys and take some books. When asked what happened, she said that there was an emergency: Sasha got into a fight with a student. According to Aigul, Sasha hit that guy, and he wrote a statement. Since we were students from another country, this behavior was unacceptable, and within 24 hours Sasha was deported. He didn't finish his studies.”
Later the guy continued his studies in Moscow. During this period, Aigul was already in Kazakhstan. She was appointed judge of the Saryarka district court of Astana, and their relationship continued.
“When I returned to Kazakhstan in 2018, Aigul and I often saw each other and talked. She often flew to Moscow to see him, and Sasha also often came to Kazakhstan. In 2019, Sasha came to Astana, and we met him with friends. Then I noticed his good attitude towards Aigul. He seemed like a well-mannered, educated guy. I remember his kind, warm attitude towards Aigul. By the end of 2019, they decided to get married. By that time, Aigul already knew his mother and family. She flew to his uncle's wedding in St. Petersburg and participated in a family event. She spoke very well of them, saying that she was received very warmly. According to Aigul, he already spoke about his serious intentions towards her. He gave her the ring even earlier,” says Togzhan.
Wedding according to Kazakh customs
On December 26, 2019, the wedding of Alexander and Aigul took place according to Kazakh customs.
“I was also at the celebration. The matchmakers came according to our traditions to marry her. Sasha’s maternal grandmother lived in Taldykorgan, so everything took place according to K azakh customs. For “syrga salu” (ceremony when the fiancé’s mother wears earrings to the future daughter-in-law, - Editor’s note) her mother-in-law and grandmother put earrings on her. I even have a video. Back then no one talked about the age difference. Aigul looked younger than her age, and they looked good together. The main thing was their relationship. After the wedding, I went to Astana, and they went to Moscow. They registered their marriage in Moscow. I don’t know the exact date; there was still quarantine then. Cities in Kazakhstan have just begun to close. Aigul flew to Kazakhstan, spent two weeks in Uralsk, then flew to Almaty. As a married woman, she could no longer spend time with her parents, so she went to Taldykorgan to visit Sasha’s grandmother for the entire quarantine. Sasha himself was not there; he was already in Germany. She studied German and was preparing to go to her husband in Germany. According to Aigul, Sasha’s grandmother was German, and, through the resettlement program, she got the opportunity to get an apartment in Germany. Grandmother's children, including Sasha's mother with her family and her brother, moved to Germany. Sasha then lived in some boarding house. Aigul said that it’s good that she’s still in Kazakhstan,” says the girl.
Financial difficulties and frequent moves
As Togzhan recalls from Aigul’s words, the rift in the couple’s relationship occurred due to the financial difficulties they faced after moving abroad.
“After the end of quarantine, they already moved to Germany. We have a chat with our friends, where we constantly called each other and stayed in touch. Then we met when she came to Kazakhstan. She said that everything was fine, but it was difficult for her in another country, since she had always been independent, had a good position, income, education. She said that it was such a challenge to be in another country, to work on herself, to receive additional education, to study the laws of Germany, etc. At that moment she was already in a position. In 2022, she began to say that she had conflicts with her husband because she did not work. We somehow shared as women, but this issue was not particularly raised. They lived in Leipzig, and his mother lived in another city. They saw each other often, and my grandmother came. In Germany he worked as an assistant professor. I don’t know which university and what his income was. He wrote his doctorate these years. While living in Germany, they lived on unemployment benefits and child support,” says Togzhan.
In 2022, Alexander won a green card, and the couple moved to America.
“This news pleased Aigul, as she wanted to move away from his relatives. She said that the mother-in-law interferes in the child's upbringing. In 2022, they arrived in Miami with a green card. At the beginning of January 2023, our last meeting took place in Miami. We saw each other for about an hour and a half, as we were passing through. Then she said that life in Miami is expensive, and she wants to go to work because only her husband works. She was happy to move to America, but financial difficulties caused problems in her relationship with her husband. In America, he worked at a temporary job in a real estate agency because he was an immigrant. They greeted us well, Aigul was in a normal mood. It was only through correspondence that I learned that she and her husband were having some problems. I assume that these were financial difficulties, because Aigul was an independent girl and earned good money. She felt uncomfortable depending on her husband on maternity leave. She wanted to work and help him. Apparently, there were some uncomfortable moments then that she didn’t openly tell us about,” Togzhan recalls.
In 2023, the couple returned to Germany.
“On February 7, I was in Kazakhstan when they were in Miami, and Aigul had a strong conflict with her husband. She left her husband with the child. I understood that she was completely alone there and asked her to go to my fiancé in another state. When I asked if she had money, she said she just took the child and left. I realized that I would not receive any explanations from her. I gave her the money and told her to think about what to do next, since, being in Kazakhstan, I could no longer help physically,” says Togzhan.
According to a close friend, Aigul has changed a lot.
“She later wrote that she went to the hotel with the child. She never personally told me that her husband raised a hand against her, only that he was harsh in his words and accused her. She always made excuses for him. Now I think it was a strong emotional abuse from which she could not leave. It was very difficult to help her, despite our closeness. We, of course, did not advise her anything categorically, but we wanted to help and discussed his behavior. She said that he was nervous, emotional, that she was not working, the child was crying, and she was not helping. There were also complaints at the household level. She was afraid to irritate him. In my eyes, a strong, independent girl who worked in serious positions gradually turned into a person who began to be afraid of mood swings on the part of her husband,” says a friend.
Aigul told her friend that they also had conflicts with their mother-in-law. One day it came to a fight.
“In May–June 2023, she left for Germany, her husband remained in America. She called and said that they lived next door to her mother-in-law. The mother-in-law came when Aigul was alone, and one day, when Aigul wanted to feed the child, the mother-in-law shouted at her and grabbed her by the neck. Aigul was very scared and responded by pushing her mother-in-law away. There was a small scuffle, during which Aigul hit her head. I don’t know how this story ended, but according to Aigul, she did not receive any support from her husband. He accused her of treating his mother poorly. After that they lived in Germany. They had a green card, and they could not stay in Germany for more than six months, but they were waiting to defend the dissertation. Aigul said that she wanted to go to America as soon as possible,” says Togzhan.
To mayor of Moscow
As is known from open sources, six years ago, Aigul’s mother-in-law Natalia Dontsova tried to run for mayor of Moscow.
She announced this on April 3 on her social media pages.
“At the request of like-minded people, I decided to use my constitutional right to elect and be elected. I plan to take part as a candidate for the post of mayor of Moscow, whose elections will take place in September this year,” wrote Natalya Dontsova.
At the same time, it was reported that she had three “higher educations” in the following areas: educational psychologist, finance, and jurisprudence. Married, has two children. Born in Taldykorgan, Kazakh SSR, USSR. Lives in Moscow. In 2018 she joined the LDPR party.
“Aigul is a competent lawyer, she studied the laws in the country where she lived. She wanted to find a job in Germany. She didn’t want to separate the child and the father, but she didn’t want to live with Sasha anymore. Incomprehensible story with citizenship. Alexander still has Kazakhstani citizenship. And we know that dual citizenship is not allowed in Kazakhstan, but he is also a citizen of Germany, and they say that he is also a citizen of Russia. We think he is a Russian citizen because he made a Russian passport for his daughter. Everything happened recently. Aigul did not have access to her daughter’s documents. He processed the documents through the Russian Embassy, and this is only possible if you are a citizen of this country. She was mentally tired and no longer the same Aigul with whom I had communicated and been friends before. Despite all the difficulties, she was always in search and engaged in self-education, making plans. In the last 3-4 months, Aigul began to run Instagram for legal advice on migration to Germany,” says Togzhan.
“Whoever is involved in this crime, we hope for justice.” That the investigation will be fair. We will never get Aigul back. But society must understand that nothing depends on the country or level of education or nationality. You need to have zero tolerance for domestic violence,” added Aigul’s close friend.
Let us remind that ex-judge Aigul Sailybayeva was found murdered in Germany. Sailybayeva’s mother and brother arrived there from Kazakhstan, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the Republic of Kazakhstan reported.
Earlier, the woman’s brother Kanat Sailybayev reported the disappearance of the former judge. He said that the sister complained of domestic violence.
German police commented on the murder, noting that the woman was the victim of a violent crime.
