Football transfer rumours: Fernando Torres to Valencia?

LONDON. August 1. KAZINFORM A special morning Mill for you today, readers, because punctuality is only good for you in moderation. But we think you'll agree that the wait will have been worth it when we tell you that - just moments ago - a man arrived for work!

Yes, Sky Sports News' yellow Ticker of Truth is right now trumpeting to the world that Gareth Bale has showed up at Tottenham's training ground, as he has done pretty much every day for the last six years. Perhaps the significance of this story lies in what SSN are not saying: maybe we are supposed to be excited by what lurks between the lines - the implicit suggestion that while Bale behaved completely normally, the rest of the Tottenham team haven't shown up and are suspected of absconding to Canvey Island for an impromptu hooley? Yes, judging by the giddy expressions on the faces of Sky's presenters, that must be what's going on. Golly.

If the Mill were Daniel Levy, it would rebuke all those skiving Spurs players forthwith - but only, of course, after getting permission from Zinedine Zidane, who, it has emerged today, has been appointed the arbiter of all that is right and proper for Tottenham players. "If he has expressed a desire to join Madrid, then Tottenham should give him permission to speak with us," Zidane is today quoted as saying with regard to some Spurs player that Real Madrid are interested in signing, presumably Heurelho Gomes. The well-knowm French yoghurt peddler may also be available to express opinions on Cardiff City's home kit, human cloning and the on-going disagreement over the Nagorno-Karabakh region. Levy, however, is reported to believe that resolution to any disagreement lies in offering Luka Modric as makeweight, Kazinform has learnt from the Guardian.

Meanwhile, Brendan Rodgers has just opened an envelope said to contain a list of people who will disappoint him this summer ... and found a big smiley photo of Jürgen Klopp. Fresh from gazumping Liverpool for Henrikh Mkhitaryan, Borussia Dortmund now want to make a move for José Salomón Rondón, the Rubin Kazan striker who Rodgers has been eyeing up as a potential replacement for Luis Suárez. Liverpool are going back to looking, starting at Udinese's Luis Muriel instead. Sam Allardyce, meanwhile, is also sniffing around Udine, either for a ball that landed there following a West Ham training session in Chadwell Heath or for Matej Vydra, the striker who thrived while on loan at Watford last season.

Joey Barton is prepared to take a pay cut to secure a move to Everton. Now all he needs is for someone to give Roberto Martínez one good reason to sign him - other than the suggestion that Wigan are demanding £20m for James McCarthy.

Valencia and Fernando Torres may well be the only two entities left in Europe who believe that Torres is a top striker and that just might be enough common ground for them to start a relationship. Chelsea will stifle their celebrations until after they have replaced him with Suárez or Wayne Rooney, and possibly also nabbed Sami Khedira from Real Madrid to remind José Mourinho of all the happy times he enjoyed there.

Lyon chairman Jean-Michel Aulas continues to labour under the illusion that he is negotiating from a position of strength despite spending the entire summer telling anyone who will listen that he is desperate to get rid of Bafé Gomis: Newcastle have offered around £7m but Aulas is seemingly holding out for more. Monaco's Ibrahima Touré, the club's top scorer last season but pushed out by the arrival of Radomel Falcao, is asking Lyon to sign him with some of the proceeds of the Gomis sale. But he'd also settle for a move to Marseille or St Etienne.

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