Football transfer rumours: Hugo Lloris to PSG?

LONDON. KAZINFORM - It's not exactly a bumper crop of rumours today, so let's get this done as painlessly as possible.
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Dictionary-definition hunk and sometime footballer Edinson Cavani could be heading for the Premier League. We knew this yesterday, and the day before, but the story continues to drain the will to liv- sorry, to enthral fans of hypothetical transfers, The Guardian informs. Reports suggest Cavani's people are in London meeting somebody else's people - probably Chelsea's - to discuss a £54m move from PSG.

PSG, meanwhile, have found a spare £16.5m down the back of the sofa and would like to spend it on concussion-defying sweeper-keeper Hugo Lloris.

Brendan Rodgers is planning a bid for Al-Ain winger Omar Abdulrahman, who will therefore join Chelsea for £5m.

It's all Kevin Pietersen's fault.

The Juventus manager Antonio Conte has literally invited his Manchester City counterpart Manuel Pellegrini to a televised sumo-wrestle to decide which club signs Porto's Fernando.

Real Madrid want Mauricio Pochettino to replace adorable charlatan Carlo Ancelotti.

It's all Alastair Cook's fault.

David Moyes's negligent failure to stop the decay of Manchester United's squad in the last five years was further highlighted by the announcement that Nemanja Vidic is to leave in the summer. The fans of Internazionale are early favourites to be making banterlicious Vidic/Chuck Norris jokes next season.

Sir Alex Ferguson, frustrated by Moyes's neglect of the United midfield, is going to sign Ilkay Gundogan with his own money and give him to United.

Newcastle want to sign Metz's Senegalese striker Diafra Sakho or, as Joe Kinnear calls him, Diaphragm Sicko.

Liverpool, Chelsea, Arsenal and Manchester City all want Marseille's 16-year-old Maxime Lopez, who, it says here, will be really good on the next edition of Football Manager.

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