Football transfer rumours: Juan Mata to join the Barcelona party?

LONDON. September 13. KAZINFORM Barcelona have Lionel Messi, Neymar, Andrés Iniesta, Xavi Hernández, Pedro Rodríguez, Alexis Sánchez, Sergio Busquets and Cesc Fábregas.
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But what they also have is a defence in which full-backs refuse to do their job, Javier Mascherano is short and Gerard Piqué performs with the fuzzy-minded composure of a man who has been forced to listen to Shakira's World Cup song on a loop, so it's pretty clear where Barcelona need to strengthen in order not to avoid losing 7-0 on aggregate to Bayern Munich in the Champions League again. The Mill knows the answer, you know the answer, Smarties know the answer and even Queen Victoria, who has been officially dead for more than 100 years, knows the answer.

It seems, though, that the only people who don't know the answer are Barcelona themselves. See, instead of focusing on buying some defenders - and actual defenders, not Alex Song or someone who works part-time in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory - they're still holding a candle for Chelsea's Juan Mata, even though they are already brimming with wonderful attacking talent. What's more, they're wasting their time if you believe reports that, yes, really, José Mourinho holds a grudge against Unicef's favourite football club and wouldn't even sell them a virus. Or Petr Cech. Barcelona also want Petr Cech. Well, at least he's tall, Kazinform has learnt from the Guardian.

Having won the league as early as September, Liverpool want to cement their place at the top of the pile and are planning a move for Derby County's whizzkid Will Hughes. Manchester United are also interested but Ed Woodward got confused and doesn't see why he should have to break the piggy-bank to sign the Stoke City manager. Poor Ed is now sitting on the floor in his office, frowning, scratching his head and sucking his thumb.

It's not all good news for Liverpool, though: they're set to miss out on the Anzhi Makhachkala striker, Lacina Traoré, who's off to Juventus. Probably for the best, mind you, now the Mill thinks of the last Traoré who played for Liverpool.

Arsenal are over their Mesut Ozil craziness and are back on the Yaya Sanogo vibe again. Sochaux's 23-year-old defender Sébastien Corchia is a target for Arsène Wenger, while Crystal Palace are still pining for Queens Park Rangers' Andrew Johnson and will return with a bid for their former striker in January. Trific.

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