Football transfer rumours: Luka Modric moving to Manchester United?

LONDON. March 13. KAZINFORM No. No. No. It may be early in the morning but the Mill is a busy Mill and so hasn't got the time for those flatulent, rather portly, adjective-wet, joke-dry introductions full to bursting with obscure references that are plopped in needlessly - I can't go on. I'll go on - with the forlorn hope that one reader, just one, no more, taps their nose twice and goes: 'Yup, I know where that bit is being stolen from'.

No. No. No. The Mill must get on with what it does worse than any other mill known to man or Martian. It must go straight to the point. No filler, no packing, no padding, no quilting, no wadding. Absolutely not. It won't be stood for. Not on this watch. There is work to be done. And done it must be. No more rambling sentences that are on a road to nowhere, filled with counterproductive clause after counterproductive clause that are of zero use to reader - who just wants the Mill to get the meat of the rumours - and which, ultimately, and frustratingly, bear no relation to the gossip of the day. Oh.

Speaking of the gossip of the day, one red-noser has an exclusive -sorry, there is a typo there, that should be spelled EXCLUSIVE - for y'all, which is about as exclusive as shopping at Iceland. You may or may not have noticed this, dear reader, but Manchester United have been playing without a decent centrally-based midfielder under the age of 83 since around the time that the first mountains in the in the eastern part of the Appalachian area began to form in the Paleozoic Era, The Guardian reported.

To fix this particular problem, Lord Ferg of Manchester has decided to loosen his purse strings and splash a certain amount of the cash inside on the man who masterminded Manchester's move out of this season's Champions League, Luka Modric . The move works well for the lank-haired Croat as he has been crying into his pillow and making long-distance calls punctuated with tears telling anyone who will listen that he is sick of tapas and fine wine and wants to be back in Britain quicker than Speedy can outsprint Sylvester.

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