Football transfer rumours: Manchester City in for Sergio Ramos?

LONDON. KAZINFORM - It'd be nice if people just got along, wouldn't it? No arguments, no squabbles, no petty he-said-she-said stuff.

A nice, peaceful world. Actually, what is the Mill saying - that would be awful. How tedious. A world without bickering? How would siblings spend their time? How would unhappily married couples express their profound dissatisfaction with their lot? How would neighbours communicate? In that spirit, it's nice to see Manchesters City and United at each other's throats, scrapping over that most traditional of things, the transfer target, according to The Guardian . And in this case it's a doozy, a whopper, a tussle of the first water, for City have apparently joined United in the chase for one Sergio Ramos. Whether it's because they think they need another centre-back is unclear and frankly unimportant. In fact, the Mill hopes they don't need him, that they're just in the bidding to annoy the lot across town and if they do buy him they put him to work handing out flyers in Piccadilly Gardens. That would be super.

Other United targets - or, as we should probably call them now, ‘players City haven't made a bid for yet' - include Bastian Schweinsteiger and Seamus Coleman. The former is said to be up for it if only because he'll play every week, something that is by no means a guarantee at Bayern Munich, while the latter may well be up for it too but that looks like being moot, on account of Everton not being up for it themselves. All the transfer window hinges on is people being up for it, see. Like that old MTV show presented by Eddy Temple-Morris that spawned the career of Zane Lowe. One man not at all up for sitting on the bench at Old Trafford is Robin van Persie, and it says here that the gradually getting more handsome as he gets older Dutchman will hold CRUNCH talks with Louis van Gaal over his future. Big Louis might have to break off from those talks to take a call regarding Morgan Schneiderlin, who may or may not be signing on at Old Trafford, or Leicester's Jeffrey Schlupp, who may or may not be signing a new contract with the Foxes. The word very much around the campfire is that Nathanial Clyne will complete his move to Liverpool at some point this very day, but their summer business won't be over there, no way no how. Obviously they never wanted Carlos Bacca anyway, and have graciously pulled out of the race for the Colombian forward, something that may or may not be linked to his imminent arrival at Milan, so instead they're going to give Aston Villa a bell to see if Christian Benteke is bored with the banter on offer from Tim Sherwood and fancies the more subtle comedy of Brendan Rodgers. There are only so many times you can laugh at a dirty pint or a joke about someone's mum, after all. Also on the lookout for some more high-brow humour is Fabian Delph, whose canny fox of a Mr 15% had a clause inserted in his recently-signed contract that allows him to hop aboard the Do One bus for a mere £8million, a price Manchester City would be delighted to pay so that they can leave Delph on the bench for the next 18 months before loaning him to Sunderland. Nobody is safe in Chelsea's attacking midfield, it seems. To go with talk that both Mo Salah and Juan Cuadradomight be on their respective bikes after heartbreakingly brief spells at Stamford Bridge, Juventus are said to be most enamoured with Oscar and could make a bid post-haste. In response, José Mourinho will hire his latest version of the Spinal Tap drummer in the shape of Arda Turan, and hope he doesn't spontaneously combust or die in a bizarre gardening accident. Stewart Downing clearly hasn't done much to impress Slaven Bilic, because the England man has been dumped somewhere on Green Street with a sign around his neck marked ‘£6million O.N.O' - Newcastle, Leicester and Sunderland have all been spotted in the area wondering if he's worth the dough. Elsewhere it's Erik Lamela out, Monaco's Yannick Ferreira Carrasco in at Tottenham, the only minor formalities on that score being finding someone to buy the former and finding an extra £8million to go with the first £8million they bid for the latter. Swansea are set to pip Bournemouth and Southampton to the signing of Braga forward Eder, but the Saints won't let that sort of gazumping become a habit by wrapping up deals for Marseille's Gianelli Imbula and Juventus's Angelo Ogbonna as soon as they can. Finally, there's been plenty of talk around Arsenal have wrapped up a deal for Arturo Vidal from Juventus, but as it turns out that may all have stemmed from some bloke on Twitter inventing quotes from a Chilean journalist. Be safe kids, and never believe a word of what you read on the internet.

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