Football transfer rumours: Tom Cleverley to Everton?
He also inadvertently offended his manager, hammered that half-buried nail into his own coffin and set alarm bells ringing at Everton. Because for Van Gaal to accept that Cleverley is his kind of player, is to accept that he himself is a 6/10 performer. Pfffft. Poor Tom. At least Roberto Martínez loves him. Apparently he loves him to the tune of £10m. So there'll be a home for him at Goodison, where many a traumatised United player has convalesced with some success down the years. Just look at Darron Gibson, Kazinform has learnt from the Guardian.
You see, Van Gaal has ambition and drive and wants to see this embodied on the Old Trafford turf in the form of Juan Cuadrado, the turbo-heeled Colombian who they plan to bundle on to a plane and fly back to Manchester from Italy before Barcelona suits can get to him. They'll have to compensate Fiorentina by leaving £31m in their safe, mind. And there's some good news for the United physio too: Barcelona will sign Thomas Vermaelen for £10m. So rest easy doc, no need to swot up on all those unfathomable parts of the anatomy that the Belgian regularly twangs.
Brendan Rodgers has sat down at his shiny Melwood desk and got to work doing some maths. First he's taken Liverpool's goal-for tally of a healthy 101 last season and subtracted 31. Then he's looked at Daniel Sturridge on the treatment table and taken off another 21. Than he's wiped the sweat from above his brow, stuck his tongue out just above his top lip and thought really hard before taking Liverpool's goals-against tally of 51 off the remaining 49. Then he's leapt across the room in a blind panic and phoned Swansea with an offer of £19m for Wilfried Bony.
Meanwhile, Pepe Reina may have to accept that his club career is going to be much the same as his international career from hereonin, in which, like a Spanish Bez, he becomes the Anfield Vibes Man, doing pop-eyed karate dancing in the dressing-room to keep spirits high. You see, Napoli won't meet his release clause and Milan won't meet his wage demands.
Speaking of demands, apparently Samuel Eto'o is not going to ask for the earth-on-a-stick to play up front for Sunderland and will listen to reasonable salary offers. There's the added sweetener that he might not have to play up front with mobility's Connor Wickham if Newcastle take him off their hands for £9m too.
Arsène Wenger has finally noticed that hole in the centre of Arsenal's midfield that had been there so long it was almost invisible. He has Monaco to thank for pointing it out. He'll spend £24m on human Polyfilla William Carvalho, from Sporting Lisbon, to sort it out.
Elsewhere, Saint-Etienne will rescue Ricky van Wolfswinkel from Norwich on a one-year loan deal and Rafael Márquez will take his aged, but classy, Mexican legs to Hellas Verona in Serie A.
